Firstly, let me start by saying that despite what we hear or see on television shows, radio, films or any other opinions pedalled in the popular press; as a general rule confidence, is NOT something we are born with – it’s a skill that we have to develop.
The idea for this post arose following a number of discussions with family members, friends and a particularly vivacious debate with a colleague at work, after which it came to be quite apparent to me that many people perceive confidence to be something innate – A God-given attribute reserved only for a chosen few that everyone else must be in awe and amazement of. Whilst this message has been widely perpetuated, in my opinion, it frankly couldn’t be further from the truth.
Now clearly, the people that possess this view aren’t entirely to blame for its propagation. We live in an age where some skilled (and in many cases wholly unskilled) individuals are elevated to God-like status. The way they behave, coupled with the constant adulation they receive leads many of us to think that there’s something we’re missing, something we don’t possess which is the reason for their ‘star power’ and not our own. If you happen to think like this, believe me you’re not alone, however, if we think carefully and examine some examples from around us, then we’ll see that this idea is essentially baseless and that far from being unattainable, star-like confidence is something which is very much within our reach.
Whilst studying at university, I had the opportunity to be a mentor as part of the Springboard project, which was a voluntary scheme some friends and I established to help young, disadvantaged black boys from inner-city schools in Nottingham aspire to higher education. As part of the scheme, I spoke to many young children about their aspirations and desires and what became apparent to me after a short space of time was that it wasn’t the desire or even the ability that these boys lacked, but rather the CONFIDENCE to turn their aspirations into realities. The origins of this lack of confidence were myriad; many of the boys had come from difficult backgrounds where poverty, lack of stability at home and lack of opportunity had taken a heavy toll on their self-belief – Add this to the aforementioned assumptions that our contemporary culture helps us to make about ourselves and others and it was not hard to detect the root of this down-trodden disposition.
Whilst many of the boys had certainly begun the program with a very low confidence level, one of the most incredible things about the Springboard project was witnessing the CHANGE that occurred within the children over the course of the programme. By inculcating the right messages into their minds and by giving them the right support and encouragement, many of the boys were able to ACQUIRE confidence over the course of the programme and I’m sure I can speak for everyone involved when I say that we were able to see genuine change and development across the board.
If this acquisition of confidence can occur in young children, then there is no reason why it cannot occur in adults. After speaking to some good friends about their experiences as newly qualified teachers (the profession of choice amongst most young people these days it seems!) they informed me that after struggling initially with the rigorous demands of the job, they now, several months later feel much more confident in their positions and in their abilities. This increase in confidence is clearly not just limited to those embarking on a career in teaching, friends in various other professions have attested to the same confidence increase in their professions and even though my own professional career is nascent, having only just completed my studies, I feel that confidence in my own ability at work has also improved exponentially since I began. On balance, I’m sure that most people could attest to this increase in confidence at work, yet it seems strange that notwithstanding this, many people still refuse to accept the notion that confidence is something which can be acquired and developed OUTSIDE of the world of work.
One of the books that we gave to our mentees at the end of the Springboard program, which is co-incidentally one of my favorite books and a reccomended read for anyone who can get their hands on a copy, is called ‘The Magic of Thinking Big’ by David.J Schwartz. In this book Schwarz re-iterates the principal that confidence must be developed and he provides some tips for how this might be done.(A fairly good sum up of he main point of the book can be found here).
Reading Schwartz and putting some of his idea into practice, We can see that far from being something innate, confidence is something which is and must be developed, and that it is possible for anyone, regardless of their original disposition, to achieve it in large measures.
So the next time we catch people in awe of others for a supposedly ‘gifted’ quality and belittling themselves, it’s our duty to remind them that these people were not born with great confidence, but ACQUIRED and DEVELOPED it through various means, and so can everyone with time and effort.